Dad, it's almost been 5 years to the minute now... since you died. I thought that it would get easier every year... as I adjusted to you being gone. However it only seems to be getting worse, because you aren't here for so much, and because I've royally screwed my life up, and that wouldn't have happened if you wouldn't have died. I guess in a way I have dishonored you by failing life so far. I want to apologiz, apologize for 5 years ago today. When I held your hand, and held you as you died. I apologize for making you fight on. You could hear my voice, and as long as I talked your heart fought to stay beating. Finally I stopped talking to let you go, I'm sorry for stopping talking, Maybe my voice was helping you, maybe without it there you were afraid. I guess I'll never know. I can only hope that you met Death and weren't afraid. 12 days to go and I'll be 18, just something else you'll miss. I'm not mad at you though, You held on as long as you could, fought to stay... fought so you wouldn't have to leave me. I miss you dad, and I love you...

The lord is my Shepherd I shall not want
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
He leadeth me beside the still waters
He restoreth my soul
He Guideth me in straight paths for his name sake
Yea though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear
no evil
For thou art with me Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me
Thou preparest a table before me in the presents of my enemies Thou
has anointed
my head with oil, my cup runeth over
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and
I shall
live in the house of the lord for ever and ever