I'm worried... I haven't heard from my friend tristan since he went to the doctor to find out if he had cancer or not... If they diagnosed him with cancer he probably tried to kill himself... I'm gonna hope that if he did try that thats all he did... was try... and not succeed. He is like a dad to me... He helped me through losing dad... and now if he gets cancer I"m gonna feel like its my fault... All I fucking wan't is someone to have as a dad... Someone to do things with that sons and dads do together... thats all I want... and I can't have it... oh well... Devo and Brandy had a little fight yesterday... they made up like always... It was sad because yesterday was their aniversary to. Um... I'm sitting here talking to Janelle... realizing how pitiful my life is... I go to school... come home... get on the computer... go to sleep... wake up... and start the process all over again. Thats rather very sad. Oh well... I felt bad tagging along with Devo and Brandy this weekend... I feel like I"m just bothering them when they ask me to tag along... and besides when they are being boyfriend and girlfriend I just kinda have to sit there... and watch... and get sad... because I have no one to share my life with... I don't even have any serious friends anymore... just devo... and he's grounded... and he only gets to spend time with Brandy. Oh well... I have my computer... thats all I really need... It gets me through each day... all though lately I've been thinking about killing myself to much... I've even started to think of what to write to all my "friends". I have yet to actually start to write any of it down yet... and when I actually try to kill myself I cop out... Hopefully I never succeed... I know it wouldn't do anything but hurt a few people and maybe cause 1 or 2 people to try and kill themselves. Oh well... I'll stop going on and on now.
Bye for now...
Peace.

-AxisMundi